TD#121: The Three Most Dangerous Toxic Traits

Every time I’ve seen these three traits, they quickly escalated to terrible work environments: address them sooner rather than later; you won’t regret it.

A "toxic work environment" refers to a harmful, destructive setting we can find at work. They happen in the office, remote setups, and everywhere in between.

It often features bad communication, high staff turnover, poor leadership, unjust treatment, overworked staff, no acknowledgment of good work, and management ruled by fear.

This leads to low spirits and poor work output. A toxic environment doesn't only affect work life, but it can also harm personal life, impacting mental and physical health.

I have seen a lot in more than 20 years, mainly in the tech industry, and every time I’ve seen these three traits, they quickly escalated to terrible work environments.

If you are in a position of influence, address them sooner rather than later; you won’t regret it.

1. Absolutism

It's when a person views the world in definite terms, with no middle ground or exceptions. They see the world as black and white, with no gray areas.

Absolutists often think their way is the only right way. They're not receptive to other viewpoints or ideas.

They often use words such as "always," "never," "must," and "should," which don't allow for flexibility or compromise.

Absolutism creates a harmful atmosphere. It can suppress creativity, obstruct teamwork, and cause conflict. It's like trying to paint a picture with only two colors. This restricts the possibility of a rich, lively image and makes the process exasperating for everyone involved.

Startup founders become absolutely convinced their idea is a winner, and they never consider the possibility the market has different needs than their offering. Everyone who questions or wants to validate that idea is quickly isolated as non-believers.

Software Engineers become absolutists when they treat people-related matters just like machine-related issues. They forget that people are complex, while machines tend to be complicated—two things requiring two different mindsets.

Managers fall for absolutism when they only see "success" or "failure." Much better be looking for "progress" and "growth.”

2. Conflict Avoidance

It refers to the habitual and often unconscious need to avoid disagreements, confrontations, and conflicts at all costs.

Imagine someone always taking a long detour to avoid a road they know is bumpy. While it might seem peaceful, it can lead to unresolved issues, suppressed feelings, and a lack of genuine communication.

People who avoid conflict may agree with others to keep the peace, even when they have a different opinion or feel uncomfortable with a decision. They may also avoid difficult conversations, leading to misunderstandings and confusion.

This can be particularly harmful in a workplace as it can prevent important issues from being addressed, hinder the decision-making process, and create an environment where employees feel they can't express their thoughts or concerns openly.

This is a mantra I prefer to repeat, and repeat, and repeat, over and over:

"An explicit disagreement is better than an implicit misunderstanding."

3. Lack of Self-Awareness

It refers to the inability of a person to accurately perceive their behaviors, emotions, and impact on others.

People who lack self-awareness may also struggle to understand their emotions and motivations, making it difficult for them to change negative behaviors or grow personally and professionally.

In a workplace setting, a lack of self-awareness can be particularly damaging. It can lead to poor decision-making, strained relationships, and a lack of personal development. It's like trying to navigate a ship without a compass - you're likely to drift off course and may not even realize it until you're lost at sea.

A C-Level who lacks self-awareness will throw their opinion on every table in the company, ignoring their relative position to the people involved and how that impacts the ranks in the company.

For some, it might sound like a good idea because it breaks the limits of the hierarchy, but I've seen it happen so often that I don't fall for that lie anymore.

C-level bombs greatly erode trust, psychological safety, and morale within an organization. This damage costs much more than the benefits executives hoped to achieve by breaking ranks. I've observed this on many occasions.

Additional Resources

Toxic Culture Is Driving the Great Resignation

Media discussions about the Great Resignation mainly focus on employees unhappy with their pay. But, when predicting employee turnover, talk of pay ranks only 16th in frequency and positivity. This matches the strong proof that salary only somewhat affects staff leaving. More often, a company's culture is a better sign of turnover rates, even when considering the industry, than how employees view their pay.

Bad company culture is 10.4 times more powerful than pay in predicting a company's turnover rate than its industry. Even when considering the industry, it's the strongest predictor of turnover and is ten times more important than pay in predicting turnover.

Read more here.

What is Toxic Positivity?

The term "toxic positivity" is relatively new. It refers to positivity taken to its logical conclusion. It's mostly a social media phenomenon. However, it has infiltrated our everyday behavior. It, ironically, promotes a negative culture. One that denies lived experiences and isolates people from their communities.

Read more on this topic, and improve your language!

Your Fault vs Your Responsibility: The Critical Difference

People get evasive around responsibility because they mainly experience the "it's our fault" part. However, there are things to consider.

Failures in a company are seldom the fault of one person. The actions of each department affect the others. So, in essence, everyone shares some blame for most issues.

Don't miss this fascinating article on responsibility.

Toxic Traits: 25 Harmful Behaviors to Spot in Yourself & Others

Did you ever meet someone who seemed friendly but left you feeling uneasy and emotionally worn out when you left?

If so, you may have encountered a person with toxic personality traits.

So, it's vital to watch out for toxic behavior and learn to spot these actions before they force you or your co-workers to look for another job.

Remember, toxic traits aren't traits at all. When discussing traits, we must differentiate between a "trait" and a "behavior.”

Traits are usually inherent, while behaviors are actions we can control.

For example, a person's " openness " level is a trait, but "lying" is a behavior. When discussing toxic traits, we usually refer to the person's behavior, not their traits.

We can label behaviors as either "healthy" or "unhealthy".

Don't miss this great article on toxic traits and behaviors.

Wrapping Up

The three most dangerous toxic traits on my list are absolutism, avoiding conflict, and not being self-aware.

Absolutism, or seeing the world as black and white, limits creativity and flexibility. Avoiding conflict, like dodging a rough road, leaves problems unsolved and reduces honest communication. Not being self-aware, like driving without a compass, leads to bad decisions and tense relationships.

To mitigate these traits, we need open communication, self-reflection, and a range of viewpoints.

To fight absolutism, we should value different opinions and accept that people-related issues are complex by definition.

To tackle conflict avoidance, we should make a safe place for honest talk, helping people deal with conflicts positively.

To address the lack of self-awareness, regular feedback and self-reflection can help people understand themselves and how they affect others better.

In short, we should aim to create a culture of understanding, acceptance, and growth.

One More Thing…

Last week, I had a great conversation about my upcoming workshop. Check it out!

If you want to level up your management skills, this workshop is for you!