If you use Never or Always, you are doing it wrong - TD#123
How I enhanced my feedback and saved my team from being disbanded.
Explicit disagreement is better than implicit misunderstanding.
When I read this sentence, I had just become a manager, and my team was going under. Every morning, I was struggling, not knowing if I would make it to the following week.
After my promotion to Team Lead, I shifted from handling my tasks to leading a team of 10 people. Many team members had been there longer than me. Some were upset that I was their new manager.
Forming, storming, conforming, and performing took a long time. We got stuck at the storming stage. A few people I managed struggled to adapt to the new organizational structure.
In the middle of the storm, I ran into this sentence in the book "Thanks for the Feedback" by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.
It changed everything. The solution key was always right there in front of me.
As Brene Brown puts it: “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”
I chose to enhance my team's feedback to eliminate any concealed confusion. Such clarity surfaced disagreements. However, once these disputes happened openly, we began resolving them.
These are my top tips for effective feedback:
Avoid generic feedback
Feedback must be specific to a situation. If you use words like "always" or "never," it's not good enough.
❌ "You are always late at meetings."
✅ "At yesterday's meeting, you arrived 10 minutes late."
Avoid the dreadful feedback sandwich
You may be tempted to sandwich your critical feedback between two pieces of appreciation. Don't do it. It would be be perceived as unauthentic, and your critical part of information would be watered down. Just be specific. And clear. And direct.
❌ "You deliver the reports on time, but your writing is unclear. However, your visuals are great!"
✅ "Your writing is unclear. You should work on that if you want to match the quality of your visuals and deliver stellar reports."
Feedback doesn't age well
People are willing to listen, understand, remember, and leverage feedback only if it refers to recent events. Don't bulk your feedback for weeks. Deliver it frequently and contextually.
❌ "Three months ago, your report..."
✅ "Last week, you forgot to send the report. Please take care of it."
Feedback is about behaviors, not about people
You should never judge people, and people should never feel judged when you give them feedback. You are after their behaviours, not their charachter.
❌ "You are lazy"
✅ "You cut corners and make your work look sloppy."
The best feedback is appreciation
When people say they don't get enough feedback, what they really mean is, they're unsure if anyone sees their hard work or values their input. They're expressing a feeling of not being appreciated.
Appreciation and critical evaluation are the two most common forms of feedback. Out of the two, appreciation is the one that is most effectively at changing people's behaviour.
Appreciate genuinely, often, and publicly.
After I fixed the feedback culture in my team, and most importantly in my management toolkit, my team overcame the obstacles, completed multiple projects, and significantly impacted the organization.
Additional Resources
How to Give the Most Effective Feedback
There are four types of feedback: directive, contingency, attribution, and impact. Out of these, impact feedback works best. It tells a person about the effects of their actions. It does this without going into too much detail, guessing motives, or pointing fingers.
The Feedback Equation by Lara Hogan
Many people fear awkward conversations. This fear makes us avoid asking for feedback. Sometimes, feedback can be painful. Often, others give us vague, general feedback.
The feedback equation begins with you noting someone's actions. This involves the facts - Who, What, When, and Where. You can capture these observations using a video camera. It does not involve your feelings towards someone's actions.
Next, describe the behavior's impact. Here, you can express your feelings!
Finish it up with either a question for them or a request to behave differently.
Don't miss the full explanation of this framework.
Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
This book is ideal if you aim to enhance your ability to give feedback. I gained more knowledge about feedback from this book than a hundred other resources. It's excellent, and I strongly endorse it.
You'll find out that the word "feedback" came about in the 1860s. It was born during the Industrial Revolution. It means how energy, momentum, or signals return to where they started in a machine system.
Feedback is vital in today's work environment. It helps to grow talent. It boosts morale. It aligns teams. It solves problems. It also increases profits.
Situation Behavior Impact - A powerful feedback framework
We frequently make up stories about others, particularly when they let us down. This is a common occurrence. We observe actions and think we understand why someone behaved in a specific manner. Then, we respond based on those assumptions.
Ask the person if you want to know their intentions. If you want them to understand their impact, tell them. But, these crucial talks seldom occur. So, we spend our days tangled in misunderstandings and actions rooted in wrong assumptions.
The method of Situation-Behavior-Impact is easy to understand: You identify the Situation, outline the observed Behaviors in detail, and convey how the person's behavior affected you.
Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind.
Leaders identify certain behaviors and cultural issues as barriers to courage. They rank one issue as the top concern. This issue is the avoidance of difficult conversations. It includes not giving honest and useful feedback.
Giving people incomplete truths or nonsense to soothe them, which usually makes us more comfortable, is unkind.
It's unkind to blame a colleague for not meeting your expectations if you haven't communicated those expectations. Even if it seems challenging, clarifying what you expect from them is crucial.
Don't miss this amazing article by Brene Brown.
Hi @Luca, I think this is one of my favorte article from you. I really liked the examples.
"After I fixed the feedback culture in my team" - I am curious what do you think is the most effective way to spread this culture to your team?