Something major is brewing, and I cannot announce it yet. However, this week I want to go back to the roots and offer three interesting articles I have recently found.

Let’s get going!

The most amazing list of life-hacks

This is a great list; don't miss it!

101 things we take for granted

This list is also great; check it out!

On The Experience of Being Poor-ish, For People Who Aren't

This is a great article that explores the perspective of being poor-ish. Must read!

Sometimes, it's about your language, but often, it's about your attitude.

Expressing yourself in a way that others hear, understand, and act on can be challenging. At times, it's complicated to speak out.

Other times, it's challenging to communicate your ideas effectively.

Last week, I joined a LinkedIn Live presentation with Maria Glazunova to discuss tactics for improving team participation beyond just language.

Here's the link to the event recording.

I'll transcribe a few key points below.

Highlights

Life is ugly

Don't wait for an ideal moment to share your ideas with your team. It won't come. We often idealize our situation, expecting others to make room for us. We must make room ourselves.

I respectfully disagree

“I respectfully disagree” is the most powerful way to make such room for yourself. Just say that sentence, and then speak up your mind. People will remember you and respect you for that. Pro tip: You don’t need to disagree with anyone; you can use it even when you agree.

Being in the room is enough

Being in the room gives you the chance to speak up. If the people in charge didn't want your input, they wouldn't have invited you.

The language barrier is not a thing

Don't let the fear of imperfect English stop you from sharing your thoughts. You might believe that your English isn't good enough and that this hinders your contributions. This belief creates a mental barrier. Don't allow it. No matter your language proficiency, always voice your opinions.

To master the crowd, you need to master yourself

Your ideas are as good as your ability to communicate them properly. Communication can be assessed, improved, and mastered. It’s your duty to be understood; own it.

The speaker bears the responsibility of being understood

If you believe you are in charge of what you say and others are in charge of what they understand, you are dead wrong. Your duty is to craft messages that are easy to hear, easy to listen to, easy to remember, and easy to act upon. Anything less than that is poor communication.

One-on-ones are a superpower

To succeed in your career, master the art of one-on-one interactions. Become someone who can speak with people and build rapport with them. Be the person people want to talk to. By talking to people individually, you can become known in the organization and build a reputation.

One-on-ones are the game changer.

Additional resources

Mastering the art of One-on-Ones - My upcoming mini-course

In a few weeks, I’m launching a mini-course exploring the art of one-on-one conversations. Until the big launch, I’m allowing you to sign up for free and take the whole course free of charge. Here is the sign-up form.

Master the art of one-on-ones

People Aren’t Meant to Talk This Much

The internet has many issues, but the root of many of them is that we are constantly communicating with one another. Before the advent of online tools, people spoke less often and with fewer people. The average person had a few conversations a day, and the largest group they addressed was likely a wedding reception or a company meeting, with a maximum of a few hundred people. There were few ways to amplify their words and spread beyond the original context.

It is essential to consider the possibility that there should be limits to the amount and frequency of communication people can have online.

Don't miss this article on this very topic.

The Bezos Blueprint

Six years after his speech at Princeton, Bezos revisited the theme of taking pride in your choices, not your gifts. "This is super important for young people to understand and for parents to preach to young people. It's easy for a talented young person to take pride in their gifts: 'I'm athletic,' 'I'm brilliant,' or 'I'm good at math.' That's fine. You should celebrate your gifts. You should be happy. But you can't be proud of them. What you can be proud of is your choices."

Don't miss the latest book by Carmine Gallo, "The Bezos Blueprint"; it's excellent!

At the meeting, we discussed new strategies to increase the company's profits in the future. As a new executive, I felt hesitant to voice my thoughts.

My direct manager, the CMO, and the CEO were in the room. Their presence made me more careful about speaking up, as I was highly conscious of the hierarchy.

Later in the week, the company's top executives gave me harsh feedback. They believed I wasn't fully contributing to the success of the meetings, while I was under the impression that speaking up would be perceived as a lack of respect towards the top managers.

In my career, I've faced many instances where cultural differences led to conflicts.

As a manager, I learned you should never assume intention when looking at people's behavior. If you notice something off, you better address it early on.

I needed to speak up and offer my best contributions. However, my manager should have identified the cultural differences. He should have adjusted the mismatched expectations during the meeting, not after it.

On April 4th, 2024, I'll join a live event. Maria Glazunova and I will be on Linkedin Live. We will discuss a specific topic: “Tactics to enhance team participation beyond language.”

People often fail to contribute fully to their team's efforts. Most times, this isn't about language.

Are you a team manager? Do you oversee a project? Or lead a company? Don't let this chance slip by. You'll definitely find something of interest.

Additional Resources

Tracking Compensation and Promotion Inequity

Plenty of tech companies are attempting to diversify their pipeline of candidates. However, an organization won’t succeed in recruiting more diverse employees unless its leaders know its existing internal inclusion and equity issues. Unless leadership has already started tackling these issues, these new hires will likely enter an environment they won’t want to stay in for long.

This is a great article, you should not miss.

On Using Pronouns

I am a white/cis/male. I grew up in Italy during the ‘80s and ’90s. No one ever questioned my identity; I never felt unheard, and before my 30s, no one ever took the time to introduce me to the concept of privilege.

Adding your pronouns to the signatures of your emails, online profiles, and business cards is not the definitive solution for inclusion. Still, it signals respect, dignity, and alliance toward those who have to fight for their existence.

If you want to understand more, check out my essay on the importance of using pronouns.

Unraveling the Effects of Cultural Diversity in Teams

This comprehensive study focuses on diversity in the workplace, and it demands careful attention. Essentially, it shows that diversity significantly enhances our workplaces.

Diversity has a significant benefit. However, it also introduces conflict. Organizations that can solve this conflict become more creative, resilient, and productive.

Take your time and read it thoroughly. It's absolutely worth it.

Better Decisions Through Diversity

In diverse settings, people tend to view conversations as a potential source of conflict that can breed negative emotions, and it is these emotions that can blind people to diversity’s upsides: new ideas can emerge, individuals can learn from one another, and they may discover the solution to a problem in the process.

Homogeneous groups, on the other hand, were more confident in their decisions, even though they were more often wrong in their conclusions.

Don't miss this great article about the importance of diversity when making decisions.

When choosing a tool, I adhere to three principles. All the tools on my kit have successfully passed this selection process. The first principle is “Go Pro or Go Home.”

Go Pro or Go Home

I've worked in the freemium tech market for long enough that I prefer not to use free tools. Though software like WordPress and Linux are free, their upkeep involves commercial services, so they aren't truly free (when it comes down to money).

When selecting a new tool, I aim for the pro version. I test it during the free trial and then decide whether to purchase it. I generally avoid the free version. I recommend the Pro version, even for the software on my list that offers free accounts.

The second principle is to accept some commitment when picking a new tool.

All in or nothing

Many tools on my list require an upfront investment of time to learn and input data. You can't determine a tool's suitability with just one simple test. Sometimes, you must commit entirely to see the returns.

The final principle is mobility.

Mobile first (with one exception)

In today's world, everything needs to be mobile-first. I'm unlikely to use software that only exists in desktop format. I need it on my phone because my handheld device is most of my digital and work life. However, the last tool on my list is an exception, you’ll see why.

Now, let's move on to the list.

My 5 favorite tools

Notion

I often wonder how I managed to work before Notion existed. I started using it roughly a year ago when I started my own consulting business, and now I use it as my primary knowledge management, ERP, and project management tool.

Notion took the place of several tools I was using before:

• Asana for project management.

• Google Docs for shared documentation.

• Google Sheets for small databases.

I manage all in my Notion, and it works well.

A couple of months ago, Notion acquired Cron, a calendar service that has now been rebranded as Notion Calendar. It quickly took over my calendar apps, and now my documentation and my calendars are seamlessly integrated. I love it.

Give it a try; it's free for small workspaces.

Calendly

All of my work is organized on my calendar, and Calendly helps me schedule meetings effectively. Once I determine the type of event, my availability, and so on, it offers a handy date picker to everyone who needs to book time on my schedule.

It automatically connects Zoom (or meet) to the events, and it saves me hundreds of back-and-forth conversations with people to determine when it's the most appropriate time to meet.

Absolutely a must-have if you are heavy on scheduling as I am.

BTW, wanna have a chat? Grab a slot on my calendar!

Dex

Dex is a PRM (Personal Relationship Manager) that integrates LinkedIn, email, and other daily tools. It helps you stay in touch, remember where you left off, and keep an eye on everyone you know.

Every time I meet a new person, I use Dex to save their contact details and enrich their business card with their LinkedIn information.

Every time I look into a name on Dex, I get the enriched profile I have built over time, as well as all the previous calendar events I've shared with them, all the emails we exchanged in the past, and all the notes I wrote about them.

It's really powerful, and I can't live without it.

One thing I don't like is that it's not seamless on my phone's contact integration, and I end up with duplicates. But maybe there is a fix somewhere, and I should just look into it. Let's say it does not bother me enough to fix it.

Check it out!

Readwise

Readwise is my connector for everything that's collecting and storing information.

If I highlight a sentence in a Kindle book, it's collected by Readwise. If I like something on Instapaper, it feeds into Readwise.

Even paper books! If I like something in a paper book, I take a picture of the page with the Readwise app, and it's stored safely with my notes.

How do I organize, distill, and reuse all the information I collect on Readwise?

Check out the very last item on this list, Roam Research.

However, you can send the information you collect to Evernote, Notion, Obsidian, or any other note-taking tool of your choice.

Readwise is amazing; you should check it out!

Roam Research

Roam Research is so much more than a note-taking tool. It's a knowledge management platform. It sucks so bad at mobile that it forces me to use a Telegram bot to feed it on the go, but it makes it up with the impressive pros of using it on a desktop computer.

Roam Research allows you to store, organize, and distill pretty much any information that can be expressed in text form. It allows images and such, but it truly shines on text.

Every newsletter I've sent in the last three years was created by reworking my notes on Roam Research.

RR is so much more than this that I can only recommend that you give it a try, build your own graph, and see for yourself.

Wrapping Up

I hope this list will help you find useful tools for your work.

Did I miss anything? Please comment if you have any other tool to recommend; I'm always happy to try new stuff!

Work meetings often take up the most time and resources in your daily routine. But if you remove meetings, that time would be spent looking for proper alignment.

You might be tempted to ban all meetings at once. But you know what? It doesn’t work that way. People will start holding meetings anyway, but they’ll call them with different names.

Alignments, retrospectives, standups, etc.

Instead of following policies that can't be sustained, addressing the problems that prevent effective discussions when people meet and converse is better.

Here are three things you should avoid in your next meetings:

Don’t run fake meetings

We can effectively transform most of what we label as "meetings" into other options.

Is it just one person speaking while everyone else is expected to listen? - Record a video presentation.

Did you waste two hours on status updates? - Build an async written discipline.

Do you force meetings so “we all see each other in person”? Instead, go to a social gathering. Lunch or dinner would do.

No agenda, no meeting

Every meeting should have an agenda shared upfront so that people can prepare.

Agenda items should be organized into four categories: things to review, news, things to discuss, and decisions.

Don’t allow improvised topics, and stop being driven by urgency. Prioritize properly.

No follow-up actions, no meeting

If a meeting does not end with a list of follow-up actions, each one assigned to a DRI (Directly Responsible Individual), your meeting should not happen.

You can use meetings to get everyone on the same page about work. However, work must come after. Only a list built in such a manner can fulfill this duty.

Try avoiding these now, and you'll thank me later.

Additional Resources

Reaching Peak Meeting Efficiency

Throughout my career, I have experienced a variety of unsuccessful meetings, whether in a leadership position or as a participant. I have attempted to improve these gatherings, yet they have often ended in frustration.

Check out this article on the importance of meetings in achieving results, even when conflicting opinions exist, and why meetings can often derail.

How to Make Meetings Shorter

As the meeting scheduler, it is recommended to avoid scheduling one-hour or 45-minute meetings unless they are essential or involve multiple teams providing updates. Consider if the objectives can be achieved in 30 minutes or even 15 minutes. It is important to be mindful of the time allocated in the calendar.

You can become an office hero by assisting your colleagues in reclaiming their time. Be mindful and ensure that lengthy, inefficient meetings do not become the standard.

Check out this article on holding shorter meetings.

When Meetings Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Hold Meetings

The decision by Shopify to forgo meetings across their organization raises questions about the efficacy of such a policy. It is an issue worth considering. Read more here.

This week, we look into the five most expensive mistakes you can make in your one-on-ones:

One: you are late, you reschedule, or you cancel the meetings

If your meetings with your employees get pushed back, shortened, or canceled, you're not giving them the importance they deserve. This can make your employees feel frustrated and less valued. The same thing goes the other way around. If people always have something better to do and keep putting off meetings, you've got a problem.

Two: You talk the talk, but you don't the walk

If, during a chat, your employee tells you something needs to be corrected or gives an idea, but then you do nothing to fix the problem or put the idea into action, then your employee might feel ignored. It's essential to show that you take what they say seriously.

Three: you dodge the hard stuff

If you avoid talking about tough stuff during meetings, such as work problems, conflicts, or personal issues, then there might be a problem. These meetings are the right time to discuss and solve these problems.

Four: You're the solo talker

A meeting should be a time for both of you to talk, not just you. If you're the only one talking, your employees may not get to express their ideas or worries.

Five: you don't prep for the meeting

If you show up to the meeting without knowing what to talk about or without having thought about what you want to say, then you're not giving the correct value to this moment. Preparing for the meeting is important to make it productive.

I said five, but let's do six. This last one is really important:

Six: you are misusing the one-on-ones

One-on-ones can sometimes become a band-aid for hidden team problems. If they become the only way to make decisions or resolve conflicts, something's off. One-on-one meetings should be for giving feedback, deepening relationships, and collaborating. If you notice they're becoming something else, it's time to tackle these issues openly.

Special announcement:

I'm releasing a five-week email course on running effective one-on-ones in a few days. If you sign up today, you'll receive the whole course, free of charge, once it's released. Don't miss it!

Enroll for free now!

Additional Resources

The Ultimate Manager's Guide to Leading Effective One-on-Ones

Managers can stay updated about any hurdles that might hinder an employee's work through regular, informal check-ins. Instead of silently struggling, employees can share difficult situations with their managers and seek their advice and expertise. If a person or process stalls a project, a manager can collaborate with their employee to determine the best next steps.

One-on-one meetings greatly enhance the relationship between a manager and an employee. These informal meetings give managers private time with their team members each week. It's an excellent chance for managers to understand their employees personally, which can build a stronger connection and trust over time.

Don't miss this guide; it's super valuable!

A Leader’s Secret Weapon: The Power of One-on-One Meetings

I meticulously review hundreds of articles weekly. Occasionally, I encounter quintessential content that evokes profound admiration and awe.

This corporate literature is among those highly esteemed, penned by an author I greatly respect. Paolo, who has served as my superior for numerous years, has also been my mentor and, even more significantly, a cherished friend for an even more extended period.

If you're a leader who senses a slight gap with your team or is dealing with a turnover rate higher than you're comfortable with, this excellent article might offer the answers you need.

Don't miss this outstanding piece on how to conduct successful one-on-one conversations with your team members. It's a masterpiece!

The Law of Reciprocity

For thousands of years, humans have relied on one another for assistance in finding food, raising children, and surviving. This has engendered a sense of obligation to reciprocate, fostering a more collaborative environment and reducing the risk of providing aid.

Don't miss this article on the law of reciprocity.

High Leverage One-on-Ones

Taking ownership of one-on-one meetings is an effective way to make the most of them. By turning them from a mundane catch-up to a powerful tool for professional development and increasing the value of your contribution to the organization, you can foster personal growth and collaboration and make a positive impact on the organization.

Check out this article on high-leverage one-on-ones.

Explicit disagreement is better than implicit misunderstanding.

When I read this sentence, I had just become a manager, and my team was going under. Every morning, I was struggling, not knowing if I would make it to the following week.

After my promotion to Team Lead, I shifted from handling my tasks to leading a team of 10 people. Many team members had been there longer than me. Some were upset that I was their new manager.

Forming, storming, conforming, and performing took a long time. We got stuck at the storming stage. A few people I managed struggled to adapt to the new organizational structure.

In the middle of the storm, I ran into this sentence in the book "Thanks for the Feedback" by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.

It changed everything. The solution key was always right there in front of me.

As Brene Brown puts it: “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”

I chose to enhance my team's feedback to eliminate any concealed confusion. Such clarity surfaced disagreements. However, once these disputes happened openly, we began resolving them.

These are my top tips for effective feedback:

Avoid generic feedback

Feedback must be specific to a situation. If you use words like "always" or "never," it's not good enough.

• ❌ "You are always late at meetings."

• ✅ "At yesterday's meeting, you arrived 10 minutes late."

Avoid the dreadful feedback sandwich

You may be tempted to sandwich your critical feedback between two pieces of appreciation. Don't do it. It would be be perceived as unauthentic, and your critical part of information would be watered down. Just be specific. And clear. And direct.

❌ "You deliver the reports on time, but your writing is unclear. However, your visuals are great!"

✅ "Your writing is unclear. You should work on that if you want to match the quality of your visuals and deliver stellar reports."

Feedback doesn't age well

People are willing to listen, understand, remember, and leverage feedback only if it refers to recent events. Don't bulk your feedback for weeks. Deliver it frequently and contextually.

❌ "Three months ago, your report..."

✅ "Last week, you forgot to send the report. Please take care of it."

Feedback is about behaviors, not about people

You should never judge people, and people should never feel judged when you give them feedback. You are after their behaviours, not their charachter.

❌ "You are lazy"

✅ "You cut corners and make your work look sloppy."

The best feedback is appreciation

When people say they don't get enough feedback, what they really mean is, they're unsure if anyone sees their hard work or values their input. They're expressing a feeling of not being appreciated.

Appreciation and critical evaluation are the two most common forms of feedback. Out of the two, appreciation is the one that is most effectively at changing people's behaviour.

Appreciate genuinely, often, and publicly.

After I fixed the feedback culture in my team, and most importantly in my management toolkit, my team overcame the obstacles, completed multiple projects, and significantly impacted the organization.

Additional Resources

How to Give the Most Effective Feedback

There are four types of feedback: directive, contingency, attribution, and impact. Out of these, impact feedback works best. It tells a person about the effects of their actions. It does this without going into too much detail, guessing motives, or pointing fingers.

Read the full article.

The Feedback Equation by Lara Hogan

Many people fear awkward conversations. This fear makes us avoid asking for feedback. Sometimes, feedback can be painful. Often, others give us vague, general feedback.

The feedback equation begins with you noting someone's actions. This involves the facts - Who, What, When, and Where. You can capture these observations using a video camera. It does not involve your feelings towards someone's actions.

Next, describe the behavior's impact. Here, you can express your feelings!

Finish it up with either a question for them or a request to behave differently.

Don't miss the full explanation of this framework.

Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

This book is ideal if you aim to enhance your ability to give feedback. I gained more knowledge about feedback from this book than a hundred other resources. It's excellent, and I strongly endorse it.

You'll find out that the word "feedback" came about in the 1860s. It was born during the Industrial Revolution. It means how energy, momentum, or signals return to where they started in a machine system.

Feedback is vital in today's work environment. It helps to grow talent. It boosts morale. It aligns teams. It solves problems. It also increases profits.

Check out this book.

Situation Behavior Impact - A powerful feedback framework

We frequently make up stories about others, particularly when they let us down. This is a common occurrence. We observe actions and think we understand why someone behaved in a specific manner. Then, we respond based on those assumptions.

Ask the person if you want to know their intentions. If you want them to understand their impact, tell them. But, these crucial talks seldom occur. So, we spend our days tangled in misunderstandings and actions rooted in wrong assumptions.

The method of Situation-Behavior-Impact is easy to understand: You identify the Situation, outline the observed Behaviors in detail, and convey how the person's behavior affected you.

Read more about SBI.

Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind.

Leaders identify certain behaviors and cultural issues as barriers to courage. They rank one issue as the top concern. This issue is the avoidance of difficult conversations. It includes not giving honest and useful feedback.

Giving people incomplete truths or nonsense to soothe them, which usually makes us more comfortable, is unkind.

It's unkind to blame a colleague for not meeting your expectations if you haven't communicated those expectations. Even if it seems challenging, clarifying what you expect from them is crucial.

Don't miss this amazing article by Brene Brown.

Last week's location was in Northern Italy, at a monastery. It felt like being on a movie set, like Game of Thrones.

I wasn't alone; three other trainers were with me, each an expert in their respective fields. Our clients who work in IT could ask us questions and engage in facilitated discussions. We spent the entire day in a place devoid of Wi-Fi and mobile reception. The chairs were so uncomfortable that falling asleep wasn't an option, but we had the opportunity to stroll within the Abbey's walls under its archways.

Despite the gloomy winter day, the surrounding nature added a touch of serenity to our setting.

I led a discussion during that session that kept me pondering for days. A client posed a thought-provoking question.

They had recently resolved a conflict with a group member through dialogue, thanks to mutual trust. They wondered what the outcome would have been if trust was absent, thus eliminating the chance for conversation.

This question is intriguing as it has many layers.

The first layer revolves around the role of trust in conflict resolution. Most people think that the absence of trust leads to communication breakdown. However, my experience suggests the reverse. Lack of dialogue often results in distrust. The less we interact, explain ourselves, and seek clarification from others, the less we trust them. Trust stems from our actions and lays the foundation for all relationships.

The second aspect worth considering is the 'if' factor, the hypothetical scenario. What if I didn't trust the other person? How would we settle a disagreement? We can have disputes with people we do not trust. Some conflicts may seem insurmountable or remain unresolved because we dislike or distrust the other person or cannot work together to find a solution.

In such cases, I strongly advise implementing a process. This is something I've noticed is often overlooked in my career. When two people face unresolved conflict or distrust, they should follow a formal procedure to escalate the situation and seek a resolution. Sometimes, both parties may find the solution satisfactory, sometimes only one, and sometimes neither. But it's still a resolution. The process usually involves taking the issue to the top of the organization, where people are expected to take responsibility and resolve conflicts.

I've observed that the absence of a process leaves conflicts to the individuals involved, or worse, solely in the hands of HR departments. This often leads to disastrous outcomes. HR does not work for the employees but for the company. Their goal is not to resolve conflicts but to ensure conflicts do not harm the organization.

To truly benefit from diversity, dissent, and the complexities of modern work, we need processes that resolve conflicts at the managerial and leadership levels, not just at the HR level.

The third fascinating aspect was the "if."

The manager was struggling with the possibility of not finding a solution. Here, I must mention Seneca's words.

We create a world where suffering is inherent, causing us to ignore all available solutions and tools. These could help us avoid suffering altogether. Therefore, most of our suffering occurs in our minds long before we can suffer in real life.

To summarize, I invite you to keep this in mind. Trust needs to be the byproduct of good practice. You need a process to deal with unsolvable conflicts, and once you have in place a good practice, you shouldn't let your imagination be the source of suffering.

Additional Resources

How to Build Trust

Trust is such a difficult concept. We need it more than oxygen to build impactful teams, but there is no “trick” to building trust. Nevertheless, we expect people to trust us just because. It's not working.

So, how do you build trust?

This article is a great starting point, but it's hard work. Are you ready for it? Check it out!

Genes Play a Key Role in Trust

About a third of the differences in trust levels come from genetic factors. This shows that trust is a key social trait we can inherit. The study used data from twins and reviewed past studies. It looked at how genes and the environment affect trust.

This study highlights the complexity of trust and its effect on social and economic results. It shows that genetics play a big role in trust. This discovery paves the way for better understanding and improvement of trust in different areas. These areas include personal relationships and political involvement.

Don't miss this article!

Why Humans Can't Trust AI

Trust is based on consistency. It relies on your skill to foresee others' actions. When someone you trust acts unexpectedly, your trust in them lessens.

How can you trust something as unpredictable as AI if you need help understanding it?

Don't miss this article.

We Suffer More in Imagination Than in Reality

We often try to foresee the results of our actions. Sometimes, we overthink our future possibilities. We create scenarios, hoping they'll help us handle whatever comes our way. We dwell too much on past mistakes, scolding ourselves for not acting as virtuously as we aim to. We repeatedly think about our mistakes, fearing they'll stain our character. Instead, we should learn from them and move forward.

Read more here.

How to Communicate When Trust Is Low

When trust is low in a relationship, you often perceive other's words negatively. You might hear hostility, contempt, or dismissiveness, even if they're not present. The conversation feels like a minefield from the other side. Every word you say is misunderstood or used against you despite your caution. This can lead to a downward spiral in trust. Each interaction makes you both become more distant and accumulate more hurts and offenses.

Check out this article on trust and communication.

The Triangle of Trust

People tend to trust you when they think they are interacting with the real you (authenticity) when they have faith in your judgment and competence (logic), and when they believe that you care about them (empathy).

More about the triangle of trust in the book "Unleashed" by Frances Frei. Totally recommended.

It often features bad communication, high staff turnover, poor leadership, unjust treatment, overworked staff, no acknowledgment of good work, and management ruled by fear.

This leads to low spirits and poor work output. A toxic environment doesn't only affect work life, but it can also harm personal life, impacting mental and physical health.

I have seen a lot in more than 20 years, mainly in the tech industry, and every time I’ve seen these three traits, they quickly escalated to terrible work environments.

If you are in a position of influence, address them sooner rather than later; you won’t regret it.

1. Absolutism

It's when a person views the world in definite terms, with no middle ground or exceptions. They see the world as black and white, with no gray areas.

Absolutists often think their way is the only right way. They're not receptive to other viewpoints or ideas.

They often use words such as "always," "never," "must," and "should," which don't allow for flexibility or compromise.

Absolutism creates a harmful atmosphere. It can suppress creativity, obstruct teamwork, and cause conflict. It's like trying to paint a picture with only two colors. This restricts the possibility of a rich, lively image and makes the process exasperating for everyone involved.

Startup founders become absolutely convinced their idea is a winner, and they never consider the possibility the market has different needs than their offering. Everyone who questions or wants to validate that idea is quickly isolated as non-believers.

Software Engineers become absolutists when they treat people-related matters just like machine-related issues. They forget that people are complex, while machines tend to be complicated—two things requiring two different mindsets.

Managers fall for absolutism when they only see "success" or "failure." Much better be looking for "progress" and "growth.”

2. Conflict Avoidance

It refers to the habitual and often unconscious need to avoid disagreements, confrontations, and conflicts at all costs.

Imagine someone always taking a long detour to avoid a road they know is bumpy. While it might seem peaceful, it can lead to unresolved issues, suppressed feelings, and a lack of genuine communication.

People who avoid conflict may agree with others to keep the peace, even when they have a different opinion or feel uncomfortable with a decision. They may also avoid difficult conversations, leading to misunderstandings and confusion.

This can be particularly harmful in a workplace as it can prevent important issues from being addressed, hinder the decision-making process, and create an environment where employees feel they can't express their thoughts or concerns openly.

This is a mantra I prefer to repeat, and repeat, and repeat, over and over:

3. Lack of Self-Awareness

It refers to the inability of a person to accurately perceive their behaviors, emotions, and impact on others.

People who lack self-awareness may also struggle to understand their emotions and motivations, making it difficult for them to change negative behaviors or grow personally and professionally.

In a workplace setting, a lack of self-awareness can be particularly damaging. It can lead to poor decision-making, strained relationships, and a lack of personal development. It's like trying to navigate a ship without a compass - you're likely to drift off course and may not even realize it until you're lost at sea.

A C-Level who lacks self-awareness will throw their opinion on every table in the company, ignoring their relative position to the people involved and how that impacts the ranks in the company.

For some, it might sound like a good idea because it breaks the limits of the hierarchy, but I've seen it happen so often that I don't fall for that lie anymore.

C-level bombs greatly erode trust, psychological safety, and morale within an organization. This damage costs much more than the benefits executives hoped to achieve by breaking ranks. I've observed this on many occasions.

Additional Resources

Toxic Culture Is Driving the Great Resignation

Media discussions about the Great Resignation mainly focus on employees unhappy with their pay. But, when predicting employee turnover, talk of pay ranks only 16th in frequency and positivity. This matches the strong proof that salary only somewhat affects staff leaving. More often, a company's culture is a better sign of turnover rates, even when considering the industry, than how employees view their pay.

Bad company culture is 10.4 times more powerful than pay in predicting a company's turnover rate than its industry. Even when considering the industry, it's the strongest predictor of turnover and is ten times more important than pay in predicting turnover.

Read more here.

What is Toxic Positivity?

The term "toxic positivity" is relatively new. It refers to positivity taken to its logical conclusion. It's mostly a social media phenomenon. However, it has infiltrated our everyday behavior. It, ironically, promotes a negative culture. One that denies lived experiences and isolates people from their communities.

Read more on this topic, and improve your language!

Your Fault vs Your Responsibility: The Critical Difference

People get evasive around responsibility because they mainly experience the "it's our fault" part. However, there are things to consider.

Failures in a company are seldom the fault of one person. The actions of each department affect the others. So, in essence, everyone shares some blame for most issues.

Don't miss this fascinating article on responsibility.

Toxic Traits: 25 Harmful Behaviors to Spot in Yourself & Others

Did you ever meet someone who seemed friendly but left you feeling uneasy and emotionally worn out when you left?

If so, you may have encountered a person with toxic personality traits.

So, it's vital to watch out for toxic behavior and learn to spot these actions before they force you or your co-workers to look for another job.

Remember, toxic traits aren't traits at all. When discussing traits, we must differentiate between a "trait" and a "behavior.”

Traits are usually inherent, while behaviors are actions we can control.

For example, a person's " openness " level is a trait, but "lying" is a behavior. When discussing toxic traits, we usually refer to the person's behavior, not their traits.

We can label behaviors as either "healthy" or "unhealthy".

Don't miss this great article on toxic traits and behaviors.

Wrapping Up

The three most dangerous toxic traits on my list are absolutism, avoiding conflict, and not being self-aware.

Absolutism, or seeing the world as black and white, limits creativity and flexibility. Avoiding conflict, like dodging a rough road, leaves problems unsolved and reduces honest communication. Not being self-aware, like driving without a compass, leads to bad decisions and tense relationships.

To mitigate these traits, we need open communication, self-reflection, and a range of viewpoints.

To fight absolutism, we should value different opinions and accept that people-related issues are complex by definition.

To tackle conflict avoidance, we should make a safe place for honest talk, helping people deal with conflicts positively.

To address the lack of self-awareness, regular feedback and self-reflection can help people understand themselves and how they affect others better.

In short, we should aim to create a culture of understanding, acceptance, and growth.

One More Thing…

Last week, I had a great conversation about my upcoming workshop. Check it out!

If you want to level up your management skills, this workshop is for you!

Sign up NOW!

In my 20s, I traveled the world, but every time, I was a tourist, not a traveler. I spent time in hostels, and people around me looked exactly like me: white Europeans enjoying their youth in exotic places.

When I grew up, all of my friends were just like me. We all looked the same; we went to school together, and we had the same access to opportunities in life.

When I started working for international companies and moved abroad, I suddenly realized that the world was very different from the one I knew on a local scale. But this was just the beginning.

When I moved abroad, diversity for me was a matter of understanding other people's habits regarding food, priorities, and core values.

Still, when I started climbing the ranks of a corporate environment, I realized that it had a tremendous impact on overall business performance.

The teams that were able to leverage diversity within their ranks were the ones performing best at every single key indicator.

But that was not enough. It wasn't just hiring diverse people and putting them together that was giving value to the organization. That needed to be sustained by a dedicated leadership who put in place everything to make sure that diversity was always coupled with elements of inclusion, equity, and belonging.

Leadership again plays a central role in leveraging values in the organization.

Diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging play a central role in modern organizations. As leaders, we cannot shy away from the responsibility of putting in place processes that mitigate bias and solve the common problems around these topics.

I've seen many organizations adding a nice DEI page on their corporate website, publicly claiming how welcoming they are and calling it a day.

Technically, it's called diversity washing, and I urge you to stay away from anything that looks like so.

If you truly want to leverage the opportunities a global economy offers an organization, you must work hard because diversity is hard.

Diversity introduces conflict, and leaders who can resolve such conflict will foster more creative, resilient, and productive organizations.

Additional Resources

Unraveling the Effects of Cultural Diversity in Teams

This comprehensive study focuses on diversity in the workplace, and it demands careful attention. Essentially, it shows that diversity significantly enhances our workplaces.

Diversity has a significant benefit. It introduces conflict. Organizations that can solve this conflict become more creative, resilient, and productive.

Take your time and read it thoroughly. It's worth it.

Why Diversity Matters

This article by McKinsey shows how companies in the top quartile for racial and ethnic diversity are 35 percent more likely to have financial returns above their respective national industry medians.

Additionally, companies in the top quartile for gender diversity are 15 percent more likely to have financial returns above their respective national industry medians.

Don't miss it!

Better Decisions Through Diversity

In diverse settings, people tend to view conversations as a potential source of conflict that can breed negative emotions, and it is these emotions that can blind people to diversity’s upsides: new ideas can emerge, individuals can learn from one another, and they may discover the solution to a problem in the process.

Homogeneous groups, on the other hand, were more confident in their decisions, even though they were more often wrong in their conclusions.

Don't miss this great article about the importance of diversity when making decisions.

How Your Physical Surroundings Shape Your Work Life

Workplaces are more than just a backdrop for our work activities; they are essential to our professional identities. As we accumulate milestones, memories, and life-shaping experiences in our workplaces, our identities become intertwined. Our workplaces reflect and shape who we are, who we are, and who we aspire to be as workers.

Places shape us, and we shape them in return, as they can meet our needs for a "home", belonging, learning, and growth, as well as providing us with a sense of continuity and coherence about our identity. Through this process, our sense of self becomes intertwined with our working contexts, and our workplaces become a part of our identity.

Don't miss this great article on HBR.

On Using Pronouns

I am a white/cis/male. I grew up in Italy during the ‘80s and ’90s. No one ever questioned my identity; I never felt unheard, and before my 30s, no one ever took the time to introduce me to the concept of privilege.

Adding your pronouns in the signature of your emails, to your online profiles, and on your business cards is not the definitive solution for inclusion. Still, it signals respect, dignity, and alliance toward those fighting for their existence.

If you want to understand more, check out my essay on the importance of using pronouns.

Tracking Compensation and Promotion Inequity

Plenty of tech companies are attempting to make their pipeline of candidates more diverse.

However, an organization won’t find much success recruiting more diverse employees unless its leaders are aware of their existing internal inclusion and equity issues.

Unless leadership has already started to tackle these issues, these new hires will likely enter into an environment that they won’t want to stick around in for long.

• This is a great article, you should not miss.

For many people, it means that HR is taking steps toward fixing someone's performance for the better. Some companies have in place PIPs, which stand for Performance Improvement Plans, but they do not always work as intended.

Performance management is a broader topic than this, and when performance management is done right, PIPs, disciplinary actions, and terminations do not actually happen.

I take this even further: when performance management leads to disciplinary actions, terminations, silent firing, etc., it blatantly demonstrates a lack of leadership.

The core foundation of performance management, in my experience, comes down to being able to compile effective performance reviews.

Performance Reviews Demystified

Many organizations implement a performance review process at a systematic level. Every six months or a year, they require their managers to file an official review of the people they are supposed to manage.

The perspective I want you to consider is broader and way more interesting.

Let's get to it.

My take on performance reviews starts from the foundations: who they do serve and how.

The subject (aka the employee)

A good performance review helps the employee understand how they contribute to the overall organization, how their work is instrumental in achieving common success, which areas they should improve going forward, and how to achieve such improvement.

The outcome of a good performance review is a clear path forward regarding individual behaviors, responsibilities, actions, and skills.

The actor (aka the manager)

When leaders implement a structured practice of reviewing performance, they will be forced to dedicate hours (or days) to looking into their people's work.

This alone is a valuable experience. I have seen many leaders who were convinced they knew everything about their team, goals, and business just because they worked together daily. But in reality, they did not understand the fundamental aspects of the talent they were supposed to lead because they never took the time to deeply analyze what was happening under the hood at a human level.

A good practice of reviewing performance surfaces behaviors, expertise, and issues that sometimes are not so apparent. Behaviors that are fine when taken in isolation suddenly reveal themselves as problematic when observed over a longer period of time because they define toxic patterns.

As a manager, take a performance review just like any other check-up. A check-up is an unpleasant waste of time if you are not sick. But we all know that serious illnesses can be prevented only with a regular habit of screening and check-ups.

The institution (aka the company)

When a company needs to understand how it's leveraging the talent it has invested in, it cannot avoid systematically implementing some review. It can be delegated to HR, people managers, or more aseptic metrics, but it cannot be avoided. At some point, you need to know who works well and who doesn't.

This is why, regardless of admitting this specific need for performance documentation that companies have, I strongly recommend first approaching performance reviews for the employees’ and managers’ benefit.

So, what's the difference from a regular culture of feedback established in the team?

Two things:

• Performance reviews are positionally aware: feedback comes from every direction(if you listen to it effectively), while performance reviews come from your manager.

• Performance reviews are systematic, while regular feedback is situational. Feedback loops should be short and refer to recent atomic events. Performance reviews refer to longer periods of time and take into consideration repeated behaviors and habits. If feedback sessions address exceptions, performance reviews address the ordinary.

How I conducted regular performance reviews as a Director Of Product Engineering

My process was refined over a few years of iterations and tested on dozens of people in a distributed environment. It's designed to be document-based and async. With minimal adaptation, it can be applied to any type of organization.

It's based on these principles:

• Self-review: the subject is asked to self-assess their performance. This assessment is done async, requested via email, and is to be completed over a period of 10 calendar days. This self-assessment's quality, precision, and punctuality will greatly inform the final review.

• Manager's review: it's a review I would compile based on all the information I collected in the last few months, which included a body of notes I carefully collected over time. All the outcomes of the one-on-ones I conducted with the subject. Public praise, criticism, and feedback could be found in the open. All the outcomes of all the projects the subject had been involved with, and all the previous reviews from past managers, eventually.

• No Surprises rule: performance reviews do not admit any element of surprise. Every single piece of information in my review has been discussed in previous feedback sessions, one-on-ones, and meetings. If something surprises anyone, I'm not managing people properly.

• The final review is a concert, not a judgment. The final document must be agreed upon and signed by both parties equally. As much as I have the ultimate responsibility as a manager, I would never file a review that has not been discussed and agreed upon by the subject. The review will be documented and explained if there is an unsolvable disagreement. (It actually never happened to me in more than five years).

My self-review template

Dear XXX,
please answer these questions by YYYY-MM-DD (10 days from now):

- Three things you are proud of, that you have done succesfull in the last period. Please include context, your contribution, and the final impact, referring to any online resource that would help me better understand.

- Two things you would like to improve in the coming period.

- One ways I can help you grow in your current or future role.

One more thing: how do you see yourself in a year from now?

The integration, discussion, and final filing

This self-review would then inform and be integrated into my manager's review, shared with the subject, and discussed in a dedicated one-on-one meeting.

Once we both were confident and comfortable with the final performance review, I would submit it to HR for the final filing.

I would also attach the unedited self-review to the document.

Additional Resources

To Build a Top Performing Team, Ask for 85% Effort

It is often assumed that "maximum effort = maximum results"; however, research has demonstrated that this is not the case. The 85% rule, which suggests that maximum output is achieved by refraining from giving maximum effort, is a more effective approach.

Check out this great article on building performing teams.

How Many Direct Reports Should a Manager Have?

In my experience, I'd say:

With 1 to 4 direct reports, you can manage people and still have the bandwidth for executive contribution.

With 4 to 8 direct reports, you can manage the team, but it's a full-time endeavor.

With 8 to 12 direct reports, you must manage people full-time and optimize your management processes. Automate scheduling, standardize performance reviews, delegate fearlessly, etc.

Over 12 direct reports: your effectiveness starts to decline quickly.

Similar results are more extensively shared in this great article; don't miss it!

The Dunning-Kruger Effect

People often have an inflated perception of their skills in various social and intellectual areas. The authors of this article argue that this overconfidence partly stems from the fact that unskilled individuals face a double challenge: they not only make wrong decisions and choices, but their lack of skill prevents them from recognizing their mistakes.

In four studies, the authors discovered that participants with the lowest scores in humor, grammar, and logic tests greatly overrated their performance and skills. Even though their scores placed them in the 12th percentile, they believed they were in the 62nd. The authors found a connection between this misjudgment and a lack of metacognitive skill, which is the ability to tell right from wrong. Participants could see their limitations better when they improved their skills and metacognitive competence.

This is the original paper.

Wrapping up

My process was designed to guarantee that my performance management served the subject first, the actor second, and the institution third. It was intentional and deliberate.

If we approach performance management in the opposite order of priority, it becomes witch-hunting: people assume there is a problem and won't stop looking for it until they find one, even when they must make it up.

I always wanted to manage performance more modernly, compassionate, and effectively, supporting people in their career progression.

I truly hope you can do the same.

During my time at the club, I observed something unusual. The owner made an effort to speak with each employee individually. He dedicated time to understanding them better and engaging in meaningful conversations. Whenever a mistake occurred, he would sit down with the person involved, discuss the issue, and explore how to improve in the future. This was my first encounter with one-on-one meetings in my career.

15 years later, I became a manager in an organization with a strong tradition of one-on-one meetings. Every manager held these meetings weekly with their team members. Yet, the purpose of these meetings remained unclear. I noticed that only a few managers used these sessions effectively. Most employees merely participated, misled by the common misunderstanding of spending time with their manager.

Many managers misused these one-on-ones for status updates or casual talks without a clear aim. I also found that many used these sessions to vent, rant, or discuss company politics. Occasionally, I found myself in one-on-ones, where gossip became the main topic. Despite these issues, I understood the value of well-conducted, structured time with employees. It's one of the best tools a manager can use to build trust and rapport and improve team performance.

This realization sparked my interest in these interactions. As a manager and later as a director, I explored ways to make these one-on-ones as effective as possible.

The Good: building trust

One-on-one meetings help build trust and strong relationships between managers and employees. Trust is the foundation of performance and begins with understanding your team members. During these meetings, you can discover what truly motivates your team and their frustrations. This allows you to address their concerns and guide them through tough conversations, situations, and conflicts they face in their daily work.

As a manager, these meetings allow you to mentor and coach your employees. You can give them valuable feedback that helps them improve. As an employee, these meetings can motivate you. They show that your manager values your work and wants to understand how to support and expand your contribution.

The Bad: bottlenecking

One-on-one meetings often reveal a darker side. Problems arise when these meetings serve to mask underlying issues.

If team members lack decision-making power, they may use these meetings as the sole means to accomplish tasks. If they lack the tools, power, or skills to resolve conflicts, private meetings with their leader can become arenas for political maneuvering.

Misuse of one-on-one meetings is common, and if you notice them being used to tackle other unresolved issues, it's your responsibility to bring these discussions into the open. If problems only find solutions in one-on-one meetings, it points to a structural flaw in your process.

It's problematic when people don't address issues themselves and find solutions during the week but instead compile a package to present to their manager, making the manager the gatekeeper for those solutions.

As a manager, ensure that your one-on-one meetings don't become the bottleneck for productivity.

The Ugly: babysitting

Even worse than bottlenecking, one-on-ones are costly.

They can consume most of your schedule swiftly. If you manage ten people, squeezing in 10 weekly meetings will leave no room for other significant tasks.

Moreover, one-on-ones can turn repetitive. If your team lacks diligence and motivation, you may find yourself discussing the same topics repeatedly. The biggest issue with one-on-ones is the notion that your team can't progress unless you're constantly guiding them.

This can make managers feel like they're babysitting, which is a wrong approach. Such a situation indicates problems with your process and team's productivity culture, not just with your one-on-ones. So, here's a tip: hold weekly meetings.

They should be brief enough not to clog your calendar yet long enough for meaningful discussions. Focus on your team's needs, morale, mood, and frustrations. Use the meetings as a chance to mentor and coach, not to babysit.

Additional resources:

A Leader’s Secret Weapon: The Power of One-on-One Meetings

On a weekly basis, I meticulously review hundreds of articles. Occasionally, I encounter quintessential content that evokes a profound sense of admiration and awe.

This piece of corporate literature is among those highly esteemed, penned by an author I greatly respect. Paolo, who has served as my superior for numerous years, has also been my mentor and, even more significantly, a cherished friend for an even more extended period.

If you're a leader who senses a slight gap with your team or if you're dealing with a turnover rate higher than you're comfortable with, this excellent article might offer the answers you need.

Don't miss this outstanding piece on how to conduct successful one-on-one conversations with your team members. It's a masterpiece!

How to run 1:1 meetings

Filling your calendar with 1:1 meetings is easy if you're involved in cross-functional work. They can be a high-fidelity way to build relationships and collaborate.

Here is a good guide on running different types of 1:1 meetings effectively. Check it out!

The Only One-on-One Meeting Checklist You Will Ever Need

Managers often avoid individual meetings. They struggle with their structure and handling tough talks. Also, they may cancel meetings they believe are not valuable. However, these meetings can greatly enhance team productivity, morale, and engagement if done right.

Check out this great checklist, and make the most out of your one-on-one meetings!

The Ultimate Manager's Guide to Leading Effective One-on-Ones

Managers can stay updated about any hurdles that might hinder an employee's work through regular, informal check-ins. Instead of silently struggling, employees can share difficult situations with their managers and seek their advice and expertise. If a person or process stalls a project, a manager can collaborate with their employee to determine the best next steps.

One-on-one meetings greatly enhance the relationship between a manager and an employee. These informal meetings give managers private time with their team members each week. It's a great chance for managers to understand their employees personally. Over time, this can build a stronger connection and trust.

Don't miss this guide; it's super valuable!

One-on-One Fun.

One meeting that employees love is the one-on-one they have with their manager every week or two. Most managers speak with pride about how often they meet with their direct reports and how "the time is theirs." We're servant leaders, right? Sure. But here's something I've noticed that you might not expect. One-on-ones are often used as a salve for hidden dysfunction. When members lack the authority to make decisions, these meetings become the only mechanism for moving things forward. When members lack the ability to resolve conflict, these private audiences with the leader become a forum for politicking. Great one-on-ones can provide feedback and mentorship, deepen relationships, or give us a chance to collaborate on the work. But if you notice they're becoming a venue for other unmet needs, pull the rip cord and bring those conversations into the light.

Brave New Work - Aaron Dignan - page 121/122

Wrapping up

One-on-one meetings can greatly enhance trust, foster relationships, and boost your team's performance. But they're more than just an hour-long weekly gathering. They demand careful planning, effective execution, a clear goal, and a committed process.

Throughout my career, I've witnessed various methods of sharing feedback. I've also had countless discussions about feedback and its effects. Still, people often struggle to give feedback. Getting proper feedback is even more challenging.

What's hard about feedback, and why is it such a complex topic?

Let's get to it!

What is feedback?

I've come across many definitions of feedback. But the most impactful one I've found is this, and I've adhered to it ever since:

Helpful information, shared from a valued perspective, about past actions or behaviors intended to adjust and improve future actions and behaviors.

Let's break it down to understand why this is so good:

• "helpful information": The information is useful. This is an excellent beginning. Feedback isn't about emotions or data. It's about information. This information encompasses both data and emotions. Moreover, it must be useful so the person giving feedback aims to assist. Their goal isn't to persuade, win a debate, control, or guide. It's to help!

• "shared from a valued perspective": The person giving feedback should hold a respected viewpoint. They must be knowledgeable and possess the right character to make their feedback valuable. Different people sharing the same feedback convey a different message.

• "about past actions or behaviors": Feedback focuses on actions and behaviors, not on the individual. We concentrate on what is done, not on the state of being or who's doing it.

• "intended to adjust and improve future actions and behaviors.": Effective feedback changes people's future behavior. It's not about proving you're right, scolding people, or judging. It's all about modifying actions.

How do you deliver effective feedback?

Situation Behavior Impact - A powerful feedback framework

We frequently make up stories in our minds about others, particularly when they let us down. This is a common occurrence. We observe actions and think we understand why someone behaved in a specific manner. Then, we respond based on those assumptions.

Ask the person if you want to know their intentions. If you want them to understand their impact, tell them. But, these crucial talks seldom occur. So, we spend our days tangled in misunderstandings and actions rooted in wrong assumptions.

The method of Situation-Behavior-Impact is easy to understand: You identify the Situation clearly, outline the observed Behaviors in detail, and convey how the person's behavior affected you.

Read more about SBI.

The Feedback Equation by Lara Hogan

Many people fear awkward conversations. This fear makes us avoid asking for feedback. Sometimes, feedback can be painful. Often, others give us vague, general feedback.

The feedback equation begins with you noting someone's actions. This involves the facts - Who, What, When, and Where. You can capture these observations using a video camera. It does not involve your feelings towards someone's actions.

Next, describe the behavior's impact. Here, you can express your feelings!

Finish it up with either a question for them or a request to behave differently.

Don't miss the full explanation of this framework.

Additional Resources

“Thanks for the Feedback” by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

This book is ideal if you aim to enhance your ability to give feedback. I gained more knowledge about feedback from this book than a hundred other resources. It's excellent, and I strongly endorse it.

You'll find out that the word "feedback" came about in the 1860s. It was born during the Industrial Revolution. It means how energy, momentum, or signals return to where they started in a machine system.

Feedback is vital in today's work environment. It helps to grow talent. It boosts morale. It brings teams into alignment. It solves problems. It also increases profits.

Check out this book.

The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory

Why can feedback be so hard to hear, listen to, understand, remember, and leverage?

The Polyvagal Theory, a book released in 2011, answers this question greatly.

This work by Stephen Porges offered a deep insight into the autonomic nervous system. It catered to a clinical audience eager to understand conditions like trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

The book simplified the polyvagal perspective for clinicians and other professionals. It provided new ideas and insights for interpreting human behavior. The viewpoint emphasized the important link between mental experiences and their physical manifestations in the body. Despite its groundbreaking content, some found the book challenging to read.

This book is a must-read if you want to step up your game as a leader and understand how your body reacts to stress, danger, and safety.

Wrapping up

Proper feedback changes the way people behave and operate in any organization. That’s why it’s so important to get it right.

Our training program, "The Leadership Dojo," uses role-plays and workshops to practice sharing feedback. We aim to understand all the subtle aspects of giving effective feedback. This way, people feel comfortable using these practices in their organizations.

Speaking of workshops, I still have a few vacant seats on my “Get to know your team” workshop on Maven.com. It’s great training for first-time managers who want to establish a culture of trust within their organization.

Check it out, and don’t miss your opportunity to become a team lead that everyone appreciates!

Secure your seat now!

No wonder people hate attending meetings unless they are the ones calling for them.

One thing is clear: we need better meetings, but how do we make better meetings?

Let's start with a few principles, and we work our way up from there:

• Every institution has its own rituals. Some of them are meetings. 🙅You can't change that.

• Every culture has its own social rules around meetings. 🙅 You can't change that.

• Every person has their own taste about which meetings they like and which they don't like. 🙅You can’t change that.

• Most of the meetings we attend are a waste of time. 🤷You might be able to change that.

• Most of the whining around useless meetings is actually about some of the rituals within those meetings. 🤷You might be able to change that.

• People are always multitasking during meetings. 🤷You can't change that, but you can mitigate the effects.

• People don't want to change how they organize meetings because they have never experienced a better way. 🙌You can change that.

• Most of our meetings can be easily replaced by other forms of documentation, collaboration, and communication. 🙌 You can totally change that.

Now, let's get to it.

Here are a few fantastic resources to dramatically impact your meetings.

Let's get going!

When Meetings Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Hold Meetings

The decision by Shopify to forgo meetings across their organization raises questions about the efficacy of such a policy. It is an issue worth considering. Read more here.

How to Make Meetings Shorter

As the meeting scheduler, it is recommended to avoid scheduling one-hour or 45-minute meetings unless they are essential or involve multiple teams providing updates. Consider whether the objectives can be achieved in 30 or even 15 minutes. It is important to be mindful of the time allocated in the calendar.

You can become an office hero by assisting your colleagues in reclaiming their time. Be mindful and ensure that lengthy, inefficient meetings do not become the standard.

Check out this article on holding shorter meetings.

On Holding Too Many Meetings

Meetings serve different purposes, ranging from informal social gatherings to formal brainstorming sessions. They often appear on our calendars as recurring events (with no end date in sight!).

New research shows that about 70% of all meetings keep employees from working and completing all their tasks. While there was a 20% decrease in the average length of meetings during the pandemic, the number of meetings attended by a worker on average rose by 13.5%.

Ineffective meetings that waste our time can negatively impact our psychological, physical, and mental well-being.

Great article on meetings; don't miss it!

Biggest Productivity Killers in the Engineering Industry

The context switch is probably the biggest productivity killer for knowledge workers, and meetings are a part of the problem.

Don't miss this article by Gregor Ojstersek.

Wrapping up

Remember that meetings are a professional ritual and play a crucial societal role. For this reason, you can’t change how meetings exist in your institution if you don't dig down into the cultural components that keep them in place.

Like every cultural shift, it will take time and effort to happen, but I hope that the resources I shared with you today can help you make your meetings more effective, increasing their ROI for you, your team, and your company.

If you have experience with effective meetings and you are willing to share with me, hit reply or drop a comment! I will very much appreciate it!

Five books have deeply influenced me lately. These include "Brave New Work" and "Remote Works." At first, I doubted these books. I already knew a lot about their topics. But to my surprise, they sparked new thoughts in me. They gave me fresh insights that I found very useful.

"The Bezos Blueprint" is a masterpiece, but I could not expect anything less from Carmine Gallo, the most influential author in the field of modern communication.

The last two books in the collection grab your attention with their fresh take on leadership. "Work Clean" mainly aims to set the stage for success. It helps you form habits that focus on your core activity.

"The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory" is a book for clinicians. However, it's a must-read if you want to understand more about yourself and the people around you, which is priority #1 for a good leader.

Let's get going!

Brave New Work - Aaron Dignan

Brave New work resonated with me on so many levels. It feels like a breath of fresh air. Aaron Dignan shares a bold and inspiring view. It boosts our respect and freedom in work rather than limiting us. Dive into it right away, and make sure your boss does too.

Brave New Work - AAron Dignan

On 2024-01-25, Aaron Dignan will have a free AMA session organized by Kopernicana. Francesco Frugiuele will host it, and you can sign up here.
The landing page is in Italian, but the AMA will be in English.

Don’t miss it!

Remote Works

The modern work era is here. Old office methods don't work in the digital world; they're tiring, slow, and ineffective.

Ali Greene and Tamara Sanderson used their vast experience from remote-focused companies like DuckDuckGo and Automattic, plus expert interviews, to create a top-notch guide for managing online teams.

This all-inclusive guide covers improving communication (fewer meetings needed!), clearing up confusion about tool choice, setting team rules, and boosting productivity. You'll gain the skills needed to shine in a remote setting and create a workspace that encourages independence, flexibility, and focus.

Remote Works - A. Greene & T. Sanderson

The Bezos Blueprint

Six years after his speech at Princeton, Bezos revisited the theme of taking pride in your choices, not your gifts. "This is something that's super important for young people to understand and for parents to preach to young people. It's really easy for a talented young person to take pride in their gifts: 'I'm really athletic,' or 'I'm really smart,' or 'I'm really good at math.' That's fine. You should celebrate your gifts. You should be happy. But you can't be proud of them. What you can be proud of is your choices."

Don't miss the latest book by Carmine Gallo; it's great!

The Bezos Blueprint - Carmine Gallo

Work Clean

By being organized, you will be more efficient. By being more efficient, you will have more time in your day. By having more time in your day, you will be more relaxed in your day; you will be able to accomplish the task at hand in a clear, concise, fluid motion.

This book is all about setting yourself up for success, starting from your
”mise en place.”

Check it out!

Work Clean - Dan Charnas

The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory

The Polyvagal Theory, released in 2011, linked research, science, and clinical practice. This work by Stephen Porges offered a deep insight into the autonomic nervous system. It catered to a clinical audience eager to understand conditions like trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

The book simplified the polyvagal perspective for clinicians and other professionals. It provided new ideas and insights for interpreting human behavior. The viewpoint emphasized the important link between mental experiences and their physical manifestations in the body. Despite its groundbreaking content, some found the book challenging to read.

This book is a must-read if you want to step up your game as a leader and understand how your body reacts to stress, danger, and safety.

The Pocket Guide to Polyvagal Theory

My goal for 2024 is to read at least ten new books; how about you? Do you have a reading goal for the upcoming year? If so, hit reply, and let me know!

Every morning, I drive my toddler to school. During this time, we listened to a lot of Cocomelon songs. In the evening, I play classical music in my house. It's always in the background. In my recaps, these two genres completely drowned out the few songs I listen to for my own pleasure.

For me, the signal that the year has ended is the announcement of the Pantone Color of the Year. I'm not a fan of Peach Fuzz, but I'm sure it will grow on me.

But the real deal for me, when the old year ends and the new year is approaching fast, is about reviewing goals and setting new ones.

In 2023, out of 17 goals I had set, I completed 9 of them, accounting for 52% success.

If I drill down on categories, the picture gets clearer:

• Professional Goals: 4 out of 6 (66%)

• Family Goals: 5 out of 6 (83%)

• Personal Goals: 0 out of 5 (0%)

This truly represents my 2023. Family first, business second, and total letdown on my personal improvement.

As much as I established wonderful habits with my children and spouse and built a business from scratch (still a WIP), I completely failed in self-care.

It’s about time to renew my goals and set new ones.

My goal-setting process is based on the following resources.

Let's get going!

Good stuff on Goal Setting

12 Step method of setting goals by Brian Tracy

If there is just one resource I can recommend about goal setting, this is the one. This video is super clear and very effective. If you are serious about setting goals, this video is life-changing. Don't miss it!

Using the Goal Gradient Hypothesis to Help People Cross the Finish Line

When we are near our goals, we tend to work harder. This is known as "the goal gradient hypothesis." We are more motivated to finish a task when we can see the reward. When we design our goals, this idea can help us get more granular, breaking big tasks into smaller, more achievable ones. Check it out!

Why Is Ambition Important?

Ambition is commonly defined as the desire and determination to work towards and achieve great things, accompanied by an inner drive that keeps one focused on one's goals. It is an intrinsic motivation that guides one to success.

Read more about ambition here.

A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit

Psychiatrist Judson Brewer investigates the correlation between mindfulness and addiction, from smoking to overeating and beyond. In exploring this relationship, he seeks to uncover the mechanism of habit formation and identify a simple yet effective strategy to help individuals resist cravings, such as smoking, snacking, or texting while driving. Check it out!

The Personal Annual Review

Having a personal annual review can be an interesting and valuable way to reflect on the past year and assess your progress and achievements. It allows you to take stock of what you have accomplished and identify areas for improvement or growth. A personal annual review can also help you set goals and make plans for the future and can be a helpful tool for self-reflection and self-improvement.

Here, you can find a great personal annual review template.

You might find this interesting:

Disclaimer

For the first 40 years of my life, I did not believe in New Year's resolutions, goal-setting at a personal level, and all that stuff. Until I put together a process and followed it, it worked.

I'm not saying you should do it, but if you are as skeptical as I was and want to give it a try, these are amazing resources that can help you.

Let's get going!

Good Stuff

Managing Friends at Work

When you take charge, people's perception of you changes. They no longer see you as a friend. At best, they view you as their manager. At worst, they see you as their boss.

You can take three steps to prevent costly outcomes from this new situation. These steps will also help you maintain the strong relationship you've built over the past few years.

Check out my essay on managing friends at work.

How to Be a ‘Digital Nomad’ When You Have Kids

Living as a digital nomad family can be complex and varies based on your plan. You need to research well before starting this journey. Create a careful plan to make sure this lifestyle fits your family. Consider things like remote work limits, visa needs, healthcare, health insurance, and money matters (like taxes and travel costs) before you decide to travel with your family. Being spontaneous and adaptable may sound fun in a digital nomad life. But when it involves your kids, you must plan well.

This is a great article on being a digital nomad when you have kids.

Wanting What Someone Else Has

Desiring what others have is as old as humanity. But, we might need to rethink this view. If we focus on our personal growth, not what we own, we change our lives and inspire others. Ultimately, our legacy won't come from how much we own or what car we drive. It will come from how deeply we empathize and how honest we are.

Don't miss this article.

Manage Your Capacity, Not Your Time

Time is time; you cannot really manage it. What you can manage is your ability to make the most out of it.

Read more about it.

24 Best Places to Go in 2024

The last parts of Asia finally opened their borders earlier this year. This marked the end of the pandemic's hold on our travel dreams. Now, we travelers have more freedom. We can plan for far-off adventures and reconsider our delayed travel plans. We can often return to the places we love and miss. The world is still unpredictable and complex.

But remembering that travel is a great luxury makes us think: How should we use our special chance to travel around the world in 2024?

We wonder: where will we go first?

Let's find out!

A few days later, we visited the Museum of Natural History in South Kensington. That was packed! Thousands of people queued and roamed through the halls of the building. If someone dropped a needle, it would not touch the ground.

Both experiences were interesting. Riding an empty pod on top of the London sky, I explored the city around me from above. Being squished within the crowd at the museum, I explored myself more than anything else.

The Covid restrictions, the social distancing, and all that stuff made me unable to deal with large crowds easily. I’m not sure I will ever be able to feel comfortable in crowded spaces ever again.

This week, I devoted this newsletter to many things I deeply care about. They are all interconnected.

Trust is the platform for great teams, which are networks that can spark innovation when leveraged the right way. Communicating with diverse teams requires solid self-awareness, which can be regulated in many ways, including through solitude.

Let’s get going!

The Good Stuff

How to Build Trust

Trust is such a difficult concept. We need it more than oxygen to build impactful teams, but there is no “trick” to building trust. Nevertheless, we expect people to trust us just because. It's not working.

So, how to build trust?

This article is a great starting point, but it's hard work. Are you ready for it? Check it out!

Harness Your Network to Unlock Innovation

In the era of easy networking, we need to put special effort into leveraging our network property. There is no point in attending a networking event if don't have a plan. The plan should serve our goals. Otherwise, it's all about collecting business cards and LinkedIn connections.

Check out this article on how to unlock innovation using your network.

Communication Differences in Diverse Teams

Communication is hard, and proper communication is even harder. When you run a team, you have to communicate all day long and often juggle between different styles to cater your message to a diverse audience that is always changing.

You must shift between succinct and elaborate, contextual and personal, direct and indirect, etc.

Don't miss this great article on communication styles.

How Solitude Can Help You Regulate Your Mood

Loneliness often stems from our desire for companionship exceeding our ability to achieve it. Each person needs a different amount of alone time. But, if someone doesn't get enough, they may feel irritable, anxious, or uncomfortable.

This article explores the topic to an interesting degree. Don't miss it!

Albums That Require Repeated Listens

I've always been amazed by those people who are always listening to new music, and they recommend amazing new stuff all the time. I spent my entire life listening to many albums, always the same, always on repeat.

"Turn on The Bright Lights" by Interpol is one of them. I have been listening to it for decades, and I have no plan to retire it anytime soon.

Check out this great list of masterpieces that require repeated listens. It's worth it!

This delay gave me the opportunity to start a process of iteration that I have been thinking about for quite a while. And here it is!

I'll test a few new ways to add value to this newsletter. I will mix curation and original content, pour way more of myself into this, and be way more opinionated than I was in the past.

Also, I’ll rely on less GPT for content creation. You deserve my grammar mistakes and convoluted sentences more than that synthetic language that generative AI can produce.

Let's get going!

The Good Stuff

The Secret to Great Decisions?

Answer: solve the right problem.

Don't miss this great article on decision-making.

Dealing With a Difficult Manager Relationship

"If only my manager were a nice person." A client of mine shared this with me a few weeks ago, asking for help regarding their relationship with their manager.

We all wish to work with people we like, respect, and align with our core values. It's a fair desire but not completely realistic.

As professionals, we need to navigate difficult relationships and work effectively regardless.

Here is a good read for dealing with a bad boss.

How Many Direct Reports Should a Manager Have?

In my experience, I'd say:

• With 1 to 4 direct reports, you can manage people and still have the bandwidth for executive contribution.

• With 4 to 8 direct reports, you can manage the team, but it's a full-time endeavor.

• With 8 to 12 direct reports, you need to manage people full-time and optimize your management processes. Automate scheduling, standardize performance reviews, delegate fearlessly, etc.

• Over 12 direct reports: your effectiveness starts to decline quickly.

Similar results are more extensively shared in this great article; don't miss it!

Remote Team Management: Leadership Principles for Remote-First Teams

If your remote team management is all about simulating the office experience, you are doing it wrong.

Let go of any expectation of total control, focus on trust, and you'll get great results.

This is a great article, don't miss it!

You will never be ready. But you always need to be prepared.

When you navigate complex problems, like managing people, you should not expect to be ready to do a good job. The most outstanding performance I've witnessed in my career came from people who were not ready: they were prepared.

The same happens in more complex scenarios, like ERs. Emergency rooms in hospitals don't pursue the concept of "being ready.” They develop processes to be prepared.

From the triage to shifts. From the provision of medications to room design, all is carefully planned to assist, respond to, and solve complex problems within the limited availability of resources. Stress is turned into effectiveness through careful preparation.

But when I look at corporate management? I don't see that. What I see is an unreasonable pursuit of readiness. People are ranked based on seniority, tenure, and ladders of progression.

None of that has to do with getting prepared to deal with managing people. It all feels like checking boxes.

And then, when humans are added to the equation, most supposed-to-be managers crumble and become ineffective.

My solution, you ask? Proper training.

Training designed to teach people how to deal with people.

If you are interested in such training, check it out and get in touch!

If you find value in this newsletter, do me a favor and forward this newsletter to your friends and colleagues. If you also subscribe to paid, that would be super appreciated. That's up to you; thank you for enduring this journey with me.

Let's get going!

3 Droplets of Leadership

It's All Just Leadership After All

Career progression for individual contributors and managers can grow together in large organizations. These dual tracks allow individual contributors to attain the same seniority as managers. This extends to the top of the organization chart. There's no need for unique management strategies for both roles. Applying the same strategy to both roles simplifies your approach and promotes good behavior. However, a key question is whether senior managers and individual contributors should be managed differently. After all, their roles and responsibilities differ. It's natural to think that managing a Staff Engineer would differ from managing an Engineering Manager. Isn't it?

Don't miss this great article.

The Intentionality Curve

Understand the difference between habits, routines, and rituals. Design a life where your daily actions use the entire range of consciousness.

Check out this great piece.

Recognition and Rewards at Work

Using rewards to alter behavior is just one method, but it's potent. You don't need to go all out with formal rewards or parties! Every item on your recognition list allows you to strengthen the behaviors you wish to encourage.

Don't miss this article on recognition by Lara Hogan.

2 Grains of Technology

Information is Beautiful

This helpful website offers many stunning graphics and diagrams. These tools assist you in understanding the world more effectively.

Memorable people

MIT created an engaging visualization. It features the most memorable individuals from 3501 BC to 2023.

1 Atom of Reflection

Stress is not your enemy. Pressure is not your enemy. Grind is not your enemy.

Isolation IS your enemy.

It took me years to understand this while struggling to find my balance as a manager, as a director, and as a professional. As soon as I realized that I needed to build my support network and started acting upon it, all of the pressure I was feeling on my shoulders was released. I was able to sleep again in a long time.

I dedicated the last few months to the preparation of my very first retreat. A safe place where people can explore the boundaries of their leadership journey among peers, share experiences, and build their support network.

I’m still refining a few details, but the cat is out of the box. You can check out a few more details on my website, and if you want to stay in the loop, join the waitlist. You’ll be the first to know.

Keep me in the loop!